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When someone is in a bad mood, I like to help matters by pointing out several times that they seem to be in a bad mood.
To be truthful from deep down ... I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
Wanted: Someone to hand feed me Cheetos so my fingers don`t get orange..... P.S. No weirdos.
Sorry, I can`t today ... My sister`s friend`s mother`s grandpa`s brother`s grandson`s cousin`s uncle`s fish died. Yes, it was tragic.
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Iām sad when my food is over.
My bank is the worst. They`re charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can`t even afford to be broke.
My parents preferred my imaginary friend over me.
I hear voices ... and they don`t like you.
My fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that I lied about on my drivers license.
Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.
I hate sneezing during sex, as it alerts the neighbours and lets them know I`m watching.
Don`t wait until you`re on your deathbed to tell people how you really feel because you could be too weak to raise your middle finger.
She calls it cuddling. I call it strategic body placement for the war of the covers that is about to take place.
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time