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Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone`s throat.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
It`s impossible to look like a bad ass while eating a snow cone.
I`m convinced that every time a sock goes missing from the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit".
Due to the weather, I was able to use the words "wet and slippery" at work all day without anyone thinking I`m a big perv.
On a scale of 1 to "Me".. how smart are you?
Instead of ‘gay friends’ can we say homiesexuals
There`s nothing like hearing the laughter of a baby. Unless it`s 1AM and you`re home alone.
CANT TOUCH THIS!! Na na na na.
They`ve been farting with my facebook again. It`s like the old days when the the girl you woke up with wasn`t the one you went to bed with.
I was really pissed at my girlfriend for not calling me all day. Then I remembered she`s imaginary. So I`m good.
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
Exactly when in American history did Americans stop having British accents?