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I love the show Gotham....OBSESSED!!! But they constantly have the Twitter hashtag #gotham in the corner of the screen, and I`m always thinking..."No I don`t have ham! But I want ham." Sometimes I miss parts of the showing thinking about the fact that I don`t have ham..... Obviously I need to have ham on the menu every Monday night. #noidontgotham
My house isn’t dirty, I just have everything on display.
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
Superman wears his underwear outside his pants and he`s a "hero". But I do, and I`m "weird", "creepy" and "never invited over again."
I said I was good at making decisions. I didn`t say the decisions I made were good.
This "doing nothing" is hard work, how am I supposed to know when I`m done?
A person soon learns how little they know when a child begins to ask questions.
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye after you hit send.
Merry Christmas (I apologize if you`re not Christian). Happy Hanukkah (I apologize if you`re not Jewish). Happy Holidays (I apologize if you`re not happy).
I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there`s an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH"..
Did you know dryer sheets double as toilet paper and leave your a$$ smelling like meadows and rain drops?
I hate when I’m walking into the gym and the wind blows me into the liquor store.
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"