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If every social website was set up to look like a spreadsheet, pretending to work would be so much easier for me.
How long do I have to sleep before I`m legally a bear?
The sense of success when you’ve had something stuck between your teeth and you manage to free it after 25 mins of tactical tongue pressure.
You know you`re addicted to your iphone when you start using your fingers to zoom into things on your laptop computer. Or a printed photo. Or a book. Or your watch.
I accidentally shoveled the sidewalk all the way to the bar again.
Is it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I`m trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.
Scared some Jehovah`s Witnesses today by going to the door completely naked. I`m not sure what scared them more, me being totally naked or the fact that I knew where they lived.
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
For someone who can`t put on a pair of socks without falling over, I sure do manage to get a lot done every day.
Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?
I dropped my affordable health care because I couldn`t afford it .
Disneyland. The world’s biggest people trap, built by a mouse.
Sorry I said "nice phone" when you showed me a photo of your baby.
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...
Sometimes when I’m feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.