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New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.
Behind every strong woman is a man that she needs to open jars and get things off high shelves.
I consider anything that doesn`t fit in the dishwasher to be for one time use.
Ninja Mode is not a plausible excuse for not being seen at work.
"Why do you hate me"? I say as I attempt to hold my cat like a baby
Fox canceled Cops. So I guess if I want to stay current on what my family is up to now, I`ll have to turn to Facebook.
I’m drinking while I work out…I call it Bacardio.
I`m not homophobic, I love my house!
If God is a woman then how do you explain: 1) Spiders 2) Shoes you can`t afford 3) Periods 4) Men
what is the difference between a Fly and a mosquito? ``A fly can fly, But a Mosquito can`t mosquito``
If you can`t celebrate Valentine`s Day with someone you love, forget about it at a bar that you like...
I wish my bladder had a snooze button.
Those days where you don`t take anyone`s sh!t ... Yeah, today is one of those days.
There is nothing worse then trying to watch porn with a slow internet connection.
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.