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America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
You never know what you are missing,until you clean your room.
I will never be to old to laugh when somone farts in a public bathroom peeing..
Car horns were invented 1% for safety and 99% because people get pissed off sometimes and need to let a mofo know.
My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex but my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.
I`m all for change as long as it doesn`t directly affect my routine.
Talk to me long enough and you`ll realize why I`m single.
My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5
Why do grown ups pay to go to gyms to exercise on expensive equipment? Can`t we meet at a park after work and play tag until dark?
SAFETY TIP: Lock your doors and windows before bed. By the way, I love what you`ve done with the place.
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for — in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge.
Ok a$$hole, just go around me. I`m already doing 30 over the limit, I`m not speeding up. Stupid car with your stupid flashing lights
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.
I snuck popcorn into the movie theatre but they won`t let me use their microwave.