Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
For Valentine`s Day my wife wanted to.... well, you know. It started with her handcuffing me to the bed. And for three solid hours she watched whatever she wanted on television
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot.
The only way you can be right in an argument with a woman is by admitting you`re wrong.
I´m not lazy, I´m just highly motivated not to do anything.
My birthday is coming up. I dont like to think of it as getting older I like to think of it as experience points.
You know you are paranoid when you think this joke is about you.
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they look.
Why do the commercials with the husband and wife doing a home improvement project never show the fistfight?
I keep seeing studies finding fecal matter on things. Anyone considered that perhaps it`s the scientists that aren`t washing their hands?
My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating so much.
A magic eraser, but for my bar tab.
As far as Im concerned, you are not my concern.
Shoplifting may be wrong in a general sense, but what if, for example, I`m bored of paying for things
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on?
BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site,,, he is miraculously unharmed... Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.