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I support recycling, I wore this shirt yesterday.
Just belted the dog in the drivers seat and pushed the car up to the drive-thru window
This prefessor`s nuts. He keeps saying pie is square. I know better, pies are round, cakes are square!
If you really want to impress me with the year a bottle of wine was made, bring me one from 2024....
When someone says I love you over the phone and you don`t feel the same, just say `I love youtube` but say it really fast!
I always stip to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porn starts off.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect
My problem is that all food is comfort food
This guy told me that playing the voilin is the best way to calm you down. I bet he never tried smashing it over someone`s head.
I think the Worst Part about admitting you are an Alcoholic ..is People expect you to Quit Drinking.
Announcement: .. the Time Travelers Meeting scheduled for today will be held last Thursday
My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! She must be losing it! Who threatens someone with a vacation?
I used to like my neighbors until they changed the password to their wi-fi :)
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy that just wanted to check out a girl’s butt.
Ain`t no sunshine when she`s gone..... or sandwiches.... Ain`t no sandwiches either.