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With everything going on lately... I`ve got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!
No body on there deathbed said I wish I had spent more time at work
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Send me a text like a normal person.
Just in: Chinese people confirm they were just messing with us with chopsticks. "You guys look like dumb idiots lol" says one Chinese guy
My face is a 4, my personality is a 6, so basically, I`m a 10.
The only way I know if I’ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger.
Tip for women; All men really want is to be close to someone who will leave them the hell alone.
Opening the Tupperware cupboard at home should be regarded as an extreme sport.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words “The” and “IRS” together it spells “Theirs.”
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I`m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
I think they put less beers in twelve packs these days.
I`ll be there in a second I just gotta finish writing this letter of apology to a club owner for tearing up his dance floor last night..
What is it about a car that makes people think we can`t see them pick their nose?
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.