Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
Tonight’s forecast. Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
If a bra is called an `over the shoulder bolder holder`, then what would you call men underwear? Under the butt nut hut
Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades........... Wait till summer... Enjoy!
Don’t underestimate my ability to be hungry.
Secret Admirers are just stalkers with good PR.
I avoid online dating sites because they match you up with people who share your interests. I don`t want to go out with a weirdo.
Helpful tip #12: Never buy all the tools you need to kidnap, kill and bury someone from just one store.
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri tells you "after 400 feet stop and let me out"
Time to clean the house. Good thing I took that delegation class at work and I have 2 kids. This is going to be fun
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
If you pour two beers in one glass, it`s just one beer.
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.
If anybody in North America needs a napkin, hit me up. I should have enough in my car’s glovebox for each of you.
The squirrels must be gathering nuts. Three of my neighbors have disappeared.