Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I love work; it fascinates me. I can sit and watch folks do it for hours.
The problem with the rest of the world is that they are always 5 drinks behind.
I heard lots of bongo noises coming from my loft last night. It sounded very Drum Attic.
Remember they’re just as afraid of seeing you dance as you are of dancing.
If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.
It`s like my kids don`t even believe how cool I was in the 80s.
The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you
The best way to deal with dumb people is to never leave your house sober
According to this bathroom stall,,, my ex changed her number again.
My Ex-Wife: Our relationship is like being in prison! ME: I don’t think so. People have sex in prison.
Sometimes, when people are talking to me, I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them in the face.
Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.
Sometimes I wish I was a nicer person but then I laugh and continue my day.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills,with a rubber band around it...I found the rubber band....
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you?