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There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe…call in sick tomorrow.
I don`t need glasses ... I drink straight from the bottle.
I am currently unsupervised ... I know, it freaks me out too. But the possibilities are endless!
Congrats on your secret admirer! Must be nice having someone who’s ashamed to admit they like you!
Double Stuff Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
Inspirational status of the day: Don`t be a douche.
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you`re standing outside watching your house burn.
If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for “real life” they would offer a class called “working with a$$holes”
I don`t get nearly enough credit for managing not to be a violent psychopath
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
Everyone hates performance enhancing drugs. Yet, everyone loves Captain America.
Ice skating is just walking in cursive.