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If Scientists invent a pill to make us immortal, I guarantee I`d choke to death swallowing it.
Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
Apparently there`s enough room in my mouth to put more than one foot.
I hate that they put "use by" dates on condoms... like I`m not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.
Iām offering a $1000 reward to anyone who brings me $1000 and a taco.
Aren`t they Middle-Age Mutant Ninja Turtles now?
It`s finally here! .. That time of year when my seasonal depression turns into just regular depression.
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
If I was a cab driver I`d yell "ROAD TRIP" every time I got a passenger
If you`re ever lost in the woods and have a compass, the compass can help you be lost more north.
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
I`m the type of person who goes out to a restaurant and orders a veggie burger with cheese and bacon on it.
At the end of each day, life should ask us, `Do you want to save the changes?`
Some days I just wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
OK so i have an idea ............... wait why are you all running away?