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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

Cop: There was no else going anywhere nearly as fast as you! Me: I know. I was winning.
Kiss me I`m Irish, put a little tongue in it, I`m French too
I hate having to work for a living. But I hate starving even more.
They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|
Sleep feels the way pizza tastes.
Sarcasm and orgasm. Two things most people don`t get. Those who do are smiling right now.
I am used but in good condition.
Women are so silly sometimes, thinking men actually care if they fake it.
Don`t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
Adding "and sh!t" at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.
Benefits of hooking up with me: You will be hooking up with me. I could go on but I think I made my point.
You can only push me so far before I breakdance.
You want to see Americans become activists? Cancel a TV show they like.