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I hate when my camera rings, in the middle of a selfie.
I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
I hate when I get to work and I`m at work.
How to know you have a sunburn: Smack the spot. If you scream in pain, its a sunburn
Halloween always exposes my weakness for Milk Duds, I am powerless. Tomorrow I will attend MDA, Milk Duds Anonymous
Whenever someone invites me to their home and I see more than 3 cars parked outside, I keep driving just in case it`s an intervention.
Sober me makes plans and drunk me cancels them. Its a good system.
You’re probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
The worst thing about renting movie from a Red Box is that a $1 late fee isn’t enough motivation to get off the couch.
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
Attractive Woman: What time is it? Me: Haha. Yeah definitely
I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat`s birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married
Hangman was my favorite childhood learning game that promoted hanging someone for a wrong answer.
I like to skip when I`m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
Good Morning! A fresh cup of hot coffee and my FB page is up, just look at that, I already achieved all my goals for the day.