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First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
I don`t mind that my wife goes out to play bingo every night. It`s the coming back home part that bothers me.
Want the truth? Just ask a kid.
I will always love you, even if I have to from no closer than 300 feet.
I have the body of a God. Unfortunately, it`s Buddha.
Flash mobs are so not what I thought. Now I`ve gotta go find my clothes.
I`m not judging you, I`m just trying to guess what medications you`re on.
I`m a passionate supporter of things that don`t inconvenience me or require any type of action or physical effort.
The trouble with children is that they´re not returnable.
If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
I am a very very very bad influence ... In a good way.
I may be wrong, but I doubt it.
Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone’s front porch.
The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
You never outgrow sleepovers, they just become coed.