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Still haven`t taken down the Christmas tree. Screw it. We now have a Super Bowl tree.
Never assume coz u wil make an "ass" out of "u" and "me"
When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and then both walk in the same direction..
Superman wears his underwear outside his pants and he`s a "hero". But I do, and I`m "weird", "creepy" and "never invited over again."
If you ever disappeared while hiking, I’d remain with the search party at least until it started raining.
Life is so unfair, why do we always want what we don`t have? For example, right now I want tacos
Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
Well h€ll, I was going to post a status about my p€cker, but it was too long.
The biggest cause of cancer in mice is research.
I`m starting to think that adult supervision is a myth. In fact, my eyes seem to be getting worse.
Getting told I can`t do something gives me all the motivation I need to get things done.
I suppose cougar is a better term than old whore.
The only benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don`t have to do laundry for another week or two.
The older I get, the more I understand someone`s desire to just say-"F*ck it. I`m going to be drunk all the time & live under this bridge."