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Do you guys dance in the shower too? This morning I did the robot! (I short circuited and stared at the wall for 40 minutes, broken)
Must you really ask why I have my selfie on top of my Christmas tree?
I remember when vodka was just vodka flavored ...
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
Shoutout to this ATM fee for making me buy my own money.
he who laughs last thinks slow
Punctuality is a waste of time since no one is ever there to appreciate it.
Is it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I`m trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.
Ladies, when it comes to doggy style.....I`m behind you 100%
You can either agree with me, or you can be wrong.
Help keep America beautiful. Stay in your house today.
Somethings are best unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right.
Thanks to Netflix I can tell my doctor I`ve done a lot of "marathons"
"Are you completely sure this isn`t textable?" - the perfect voicemail prompt