Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just once, I would like to see a person on a daytime talk show say, "dad was a good parent...mom was a good parent...the problem is me, I`m just a sh!thead."
The part of "no" that I don´t understand is the part where I don´t get what I want
So after vacuuming with the new Dyson, I`m pleasantly surprised to learn that the carpet upstairs is actually hardwood.
Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating...
Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight like hell when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
I said "sad face emoji" instead of actually frowning today if you want to know how out of touch with reality I am.
Why is it that whenever you dial a wrong number, somebody always answers?
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
Whole Foods added a 10 items or less checkout line.... *as if anyone can afford to buy more than 10 items at a Whole Foods.
If I ever win the lottery and someone asks me for money I`m going to give them a dollar and say "Here. Go play the Lottery. That`s what I did."
OMG guys!! im so happy!! the doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!!
Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4.
My pet rock turned 4,054,870,001 today