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You can steal my status updates whenever you want, but just remember that I lick every single one before I post them...
If you play any Taylor Swift song backwards you`ll hear messages from the devil, however even worse........... if you play it forwards, you`ll hear Taylor Swift
with great power...comes great electric bill...
There has to be an online course that I can take to get over my internet addiction.
"You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.
Calm down shouty museum man. I think it`s pretty obvious that I know how to ride a dinosaur skeleton.
Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy.
The mechanic asked if I wanted my tires rotated and I was like, "No thanks, I`m pretty sure they do that all by themselves while I`m driving"
I’m pretty good at keeping my sh!t together. Until there’s a bee around.
I`m alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
Within 2 minutes, I can gather enough things to allow me to sit and watch tv without getting up for at least 4 hours... Don`t question my laziness
Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn`t.
I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."
I love food, napping on the couch, and getting super excited about car rides, I`m basically a golden retriever.