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I tried to make both ends meet, but I`m a poor judge of distance.
I advise you...don`t mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.
I don`t understand why you guys complain about never being able to finish a tube of chapstick, it usually only takes me 2 or 3 bites.
No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has to clean the bathroom at Taco Bell.
Where have you been all my life? ... Please go back there.
Ladies, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest, eat a banana.
How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?
me + you = overpopulation... :) :p
Best grilled cheese ever!! All I did was add a hamburger patty.
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche...
I took two years of Spanish in high school, so ordering off the Taco Bell menu is super easy for me.
I can`t wait til the Presidential race ends so we can stop hating people for their politics and go back to hating people because they`re jerks
I can always tell when I`m drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards