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Waiting to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
After listening to what some people have to say, I am rethinking the importance this whole freedom of speech thing.
The hardest thing about looking for work is the sobriety.
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and Facebook.
I left a note in the break room at work saying I had found five bucks. I hadn`t found any money, but it was worth five dollars to learn which of my co-workers is a lying douchebag.
has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
I remember when the internet was two tin cans and a string.
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
You’d be more impressed with me if you never met anyone else.
You are not stupid, I just think you have bad luck when thinking.
No matter what`s happening there`s always part of me that would rather be taking a nap or drinking.
I now have more electronic screens in my life than friends.
If you really want to know how she feels about you, get her drunk & then piss her off.
Slipped on black ice today, I thought it was regular ice at first, but when I stood up, my wallet was gone.