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"Ho, Ho, Ho!" -Santa Claus/Pimp, doing a head count.
Having kids is like continually cleaning up after a huge party that you didn`t attend.
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
I`d better check my phone for texts from friends. *checks phone* Well, I`d better get some friends...
That son of a b*tch moment when you`re walking around the house with socks on and step on a random wet spot.
looong and hard, yep thats my pencil.
Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I`m assuming it`s Monday.
So, when people say "LOLZ", does that mean they laughed themselves to sleep?
I`m going to propose with a mood ring so I can easily see a measurement of how excited she really is.
I enjoy going to costume parties that have a theme. ..."Nude Beach" is my personal favorite.
There just isn`t enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.
Fun thing to do: Before leaving someone`s house, ask them if you can take a roll of toilet paper "to go"
I know its true love when I like you even when I`m sober.
Life is all about tough decisions such as… Getting enough sleep or staying on the internet.
There is a special place in Hell for people who stop at yellow lights.