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3 things I will never understand: 1. The meaning of life. 2. The universe. 3. How Spongebob & Patrick made those sounds effects in that box.
How to know you have a sunburn: Smack the spot. If you scream in pain, its a sunburn
Of course women dont fart. They never shut up long enough to build up pressure
Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent.
When I see a guy sleeping on an unfolded cardboard box, I never know if he`s homeless or just tired from breakdancing.
I always push when I should pull. I have doorlexia.
My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
Was just thinking …. What would the world be like if McDonalds delivered?
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
Siri, where are my pants?
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
Pay no attention to the pizza being delivered to the bush outside your bedroom window.
What is depression? Depression is when you buy a new hula-hoop and it fits you.
Facebook is the reason why my work is not done.