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Where do homeless people find all these sharpies?
Hey, if anyone needs help raising their kids, come talk to me. I`ve been one for 30 some years now.
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
I`m horrible with women. Probably because I only know like 3 shades of gray.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
A 6-month wait when filing for divorce, but only a 15-day wait when buying a gun. I think the solution for relationship problems is clear.
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out
Last night I was drunk and asked a cat if it could talk. It said, “Me? How?”
Those who tell you not to run with scissors are just trying to steal your scissors. Run.
Hey guy in the car behind me... Honking your horn isn`t going to help me type any faster.
Relationship Status: Very relieved socks can`t get pregnant.
You know one thing i really like about you is that you dont like anything about me.
People keep thinking that I care ... Wierd.
I always thought I looked like romeo, until I washed the picture off my mirror...