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Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat ... and taking the tartar sauce with you.
How do you know you`re old? ... Check your glove box for paper maps ...
I hate it when I put on my apple bottom jeans and cannot find my boots with da fur!!
They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
when a police officer yells turn around . Do not respond by singing . Every now and then i get a little bit lonely when you never come around
We should start seeing Valentine`s Day crap in the stores any minute now.
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
No one understands you better than some crazy weirdos on the internet.
If you`re behind someone at an ATM at night, let them know you`re not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
Hey ladies! Great news! Those low riding, butt crack, hip hugger jeans are coming back in style!
I got a new marker today that smells like grapes. Thats why I`ve been so quiet.
I got Mood Poisoning. Must have been something I hate.