Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have a pretty big ass, so when I half ass something you`re still getting something impressive.
Sometimes I wonder if that kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught the fish yet.
You’re probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
I am a little worried that every "evacuation route" sign is leading away from my house.
My reaction to winning a billion dollars wouldn`t even come close to my 10 year old`s reaction when I told him that there`s no school today.
Why is it that the most interesting things in life usually aren`t in our best interest?
It’s not you. It’s me finally realizing that you’re terrible.
I`m getting so many spam emails. “Grow Your Hair Back”…”Lose weight now” …”Enlarge your manhood”… Wait… these are from my wife.
Some people think I`m quiet, others wish I was.
After the doctor left the exam room from my prostate exam. The nurse came in with three words I didn`t want to hear. "Who was that?"
Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.
You mean to tell me people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
Just tore the tag off my mattress and there’s nothing the feds can do about it. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
WARNING: Every single thing I post from here on in, is alcohol induced.
I`m going to hire two private detectives to follow each other .