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If you are being attacked by a bunch of clowns the first thing to do is go for the juggler.
Ask your doctor if walking blindly into traffic is right for you
I used to be a class act......or clown,as my 7th grade teacher would tell my parents!!
The batteries in my electric toothbrush died before I finished. I`ve never sympathized more with women in my life.
Got a cat the other day. Had to swerve to get it, but I got it!
Facebook is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.
Don`t get me started Bitches, I don`t come with brakes.
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
Congratulations! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
I seem to start my day backwards. I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.
Treasure the years with your children while they are still distracted by bubbles.
The first 5 days after the weekend are always the hardest....
Someone invited me to their dog`s birthday party on Saturday. What a freak! I am NOT coming to your dog`s birthday party! Besides, my cat is getting married that weekend!
Marrying your high school sweetheart is like taking the banker`s first offer on Deal or No Deal.
My friend bought some new floral underwear today. I asked her why she bought `floral` underwear to which she replied "its in memory of all the faces that have been buried there".