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This Crazy Weather Makes Me Want To Masturbate Furiously!!!
My panic room is a walk-in beer cooler at the liquor store.
If I could just make one thing very clear at this point ... I would.
Anyone else ever thought about farting into one of those plastic cylinders at the bank drive-thru?
Remember if you ask me to put sun lotion on your back, I am definitely drawing something dirty while I`m back there.
When ever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth and drink all the rum inside. It seems to help.
I could be a morning person if morning happened after 11.
I hate those new parents who do the `baby talking`, yes I do, yes I do...
Every load of laundry that I wash, dry, fold, and put away makes nudists seem less crazy.
I don`t get why people find drunk texts annoying. You`re the person they`re thinking of when their brain can`t even function properly.
CANT TOUCH THIS!! Na na na na.
If you can`t read the bottom of the eye chart, spell something dirty. Eye doctors love that sh!t.
Fun Prank: Put $1000 in an envelope and mail it to me.
The person next to me just farted.. Does this mean my lungs are full of his poo particles -.-
No one will ever look at you the way I do ... But thats probably because no one will ever do it from the tree outside your window