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New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.
Do trolls even live under bridges anymore? Or have they all relocated to the Internet?
I can`t wait to get one of those self-driving cars to watch my wife argue with it.
Chuck E. Cheese is just a casino for little kids.
Here`s $30. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me.
I`m really good at using the turkey baster as a sword and getting drunk and not being invited to Thanksgiving anymore.
I`m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I will kill you."
I always tell the person at the drive-thru that they are so much prettier than I pictured them when I was ordering.
Walmart: Because where else in the world can you pay $50 to have your oil changed by someone with a GED, find a sized 46H bra, or run the risk of being filmed live on location with the men and women of law enforcement on your way out the door.
The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment ... If you`re attrative, it`s flirting.
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
According to WebMD, MedicineNet, Healthline, Mayo Clinic, Symptom Checker, NetDoctor, MedlinePlus, Johns Hopkins and InfoMedNet, I`m OCD.
If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.
A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you`re a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.