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I mixed coffee with Red Bull today..I got half way to work when I realized I forgot my car!
I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
Scream “Chrome is better than Firefox” around a group of geeks if you wanna see them argue for 2 hours.
Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
Random Thought: How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
I left my phone at home all day today. Is the sky always blue like that?
Step aside coffee, this job is going to take hard liquor.
You know nothing about a woman until she`s drunk and mad at you
Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what`s your plan? ;)
"Do you have a charger?" is the new "Could I bum a cigarette?"
Procrastinators Unite!! ... tomorrow.
Man cannot live on bread alone ... hence beer and stuff.
So who the hell ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?