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My New Year`s resolution is to spend more time wishing my enemies were dead.
Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!
Don`t under estimate me... unless you`re trying to guess how old I am or how much I weigh.
Why is it called cliffhanger and not
Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
My Living Will says it`s okay to pull the plug on me, but I`d like them to at least try jiggling it a few times first.
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
The next time you feel you`re worthless.... just remember.... your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Happy New Year you guys.
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
Good neighbors do not put password on their wi-fi.
Sometimes I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
Before I stalk someone, I follow them around for a while...Cause you know, what if they`re not worth it?
Whoever said paper beats rock is an idiot. Next time that happens, I`m gonna throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper.