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Relax,,, We`re all crazy.. It`s not a competition.
Dang girl,, Are you a Snickers bar? Because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly long lasting,, hold up,,,, are those nuts?
We may be an advanced nation but we still have to remind employees to wash their hands when they pee.
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
Technology is outpacing my ability to come up with convincing lies that I didn`t get your message.
"Let`s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise" - sports fans
the `real` me doesnt do facebook
You know your old when your back goes out more than you do.
The most effective way to torture young people is to make them watch old people use a computer.
IMPORTANT REMINDER: Sunday is Mother`s Day, which means Facebook is gonna be annoying as crap...
No horror movie can surpass the sensation of touching your pockets and not feeling your cell phone.
Im not fat I´m just easier to see
Dear Rebecca Black, you are the most beautiful And prettiest girl in the world. Don`t let the haters get you down. P.S Forgot to mention today`s opposite day.
I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would`ve been a lot more interesting.
I never used to mind my wife hitting me in the face as she climaxed until I found out she was faking it.