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Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that cheap things always attract many customers.
Just saw someone holding a sign that said "Honk 2 impeach Obama" You`d think the process to impeach a president would be more complicated
Idk what was worse, the fact that my girlfriend text me saying “sorry breaking up with you” or that a minute later she text me back “sorry wrong number.”
If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never aging is wearing the same clothes every day.
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
Somebody tell me how "Rub a dub dub, 3 men in a tub" became a nursery rhyme?
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets
I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I`m living in their attic...
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "doesn`t know how to follow directions."
We all have that one person we forever regret giving our phone number to.
Walmart: Because where else in the world can you pay $50 to have your oil changed by someone with a GED, find a sized 46H bra, or run the risk of being filmed live on location with the men and women of law enforcement on your way out the door.
I`ve robbed banks before...and they`re never getting their pens back.
Chinese food to go: $16.84. Gas to go get it: $2.62. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.
When life gives you lemons....throw them back and yell, "I wanted cookies!"
Frozen water balloon fights... not a good idea.