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It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
Do you know who invented the Knock Knock joke? I don`t know either, but whoever did should get a no bell prize.
People are so weird. You reach under the bathroom stall to tie their shoes and they freak out instead of saying thanks.
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn`t concentrate.
Fitness nuts have to do an entire marathon to feel a runner`s high..... I just have to bend over and tie my shoes.
According to customer service I can not bring sexy back... Without the receipt, apparently.
I don’t love being single but I do love being happy.
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
One of us spends too much time on Facebook.
I need a six month vacation Twice a year.
I like how Reese`s come with two peanut butter cups in the package. That way I can eat one now and then the other one right afterwards.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!
I only drink coffee because cocaine is too expensive.
Skinny people are bitches. Probably because they`re hungry.