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Redneck word of the day: Twerk "Imma have one more beer then imma get back twerk!"
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug
Stall Cleaning service, Satisfaction guaranteed or 100% or you manure back!
Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don`t wanna have to explain why I`m in your `Random Party Pics 08` album at 4am.
Home is where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
My cat just dragged in a half eaten sausage, I have no idea where he got it from but it tastes expensive.
Impressing the McDonald’s drive thru people with my music is always a top priority.
I go from "Hard to get" to "Hard to get rid of" in 6 beers flat.
I wasn`t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I really feel about you!
Lazy Rule #23 :No Shower Is Needed, If your Not Going Anywhere...
My girlfriend isn`t much of a wrestler but you should see her box!!
Don`t judge a man by how low his pants hang below his a$$...just kidding, that`s a great reason to judge someone.
The fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.