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Kids....because who doesn`t enjoy a fun game of "What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?"
Three things I’m thankful for this time of year: Family, Friends, and Caller ID to avoid family and friends
Never sit down in front of the computer while having breakfast because when you get up it’ll be dinner time.
Hell hath no fury like me when I’m slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
And that`s when I realized, it wasn`t the hamburger who needed help, it was me
According to Facebook, some people I don`t remember are grilling this weekend.
If I hug you longer than 3 seconds, I’m picking your pockets.
Let`s share...you take the grenade and I`ll take the pin.
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
Some people want a perfect relationship. I just want a cheeseburger that looks like the ones in commercials.
UFC is 10% fighting, and 90% advertising the next fight
U.S.A.... where people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke
Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me .. It´s Sunday.
Saw these three things on a corner, in this order: Liquor store, gun store, bank. What could possibly go wrong with that?
I can’t remember ever being told I’m a bad listener