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"I like tube tops too, but even tires have pressure limits!
If I had a time machine I`d go back to 900 A.D. and just scare the sh!t out of people with an electric toothbrush.
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
Just remember, every day is a gift from God. Well except for Monday.. Satan slips that one in. He’s a sneaky bastard.
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I`m a ball of fun when I black out.
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money`s worth...Just saying.
If a group of midgets performed the YMCA song, it is to be considered that they did it in lowercase?
Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting.
I do everything faster when I have to pee.
When I was younger my dad showed me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.
Well if you didn`t want me to fall in love with you, why did you tell me you had nachos?
I`m not sarcastic…I`m just intellegent beyond your understanding.
It`s always best to fart when there`s a baby on the bus. They always get the blame.