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Today I think I`ll go to a public restroom and wait until someone leaves, then click your stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.
On the bright side, I`m relieved we live in a society where we acknowledge that the people who make sandwiches are artists.
I can totally relate to cranky elderly people. I mean you can only be nice for so long!
I hate it when I walk through a metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off.
"It`s the little things in life that make you laugh," my mom used to say. I never understood it until I saw two midgets fighting at Walmart.
Cheers, to judging people who spell words wrong in their statuses.
Sleep is for the people without access to Internet.
The list of things I won’t eat if covered in chocolate gets smaller everyday.
It`s not that I like watching midget porn, it`s just that my phone screen is too small to watch regular porn.
I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.
I bet if we all threw our problems into a big pile, we’d see everyone else’s and scramble to get ours back.
Keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.
I noticed you’re not yourself today. I really like it.
Only YOU, can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
You can’t run from your problems forever. Eventually, you’ll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.