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You can tell how a persons life is going by how they press the crosswalk button.
It was love at first sight...I should have looked twice.
It´s Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some of you are so dumb, I don`t even know how you found the internet.
Nice try, blocked number but I don`t even answer the phone for people I know.
If I text with “Almost there!” I haven’t left yet.
Life`s too short for Salad..............
I’ve realized I get ridiculously nervous driving behind semi’s or trucks carrying sh!t that could fall out and impale me all because of final destination 2.
According to my fitness app, I ate a 6 mile fruit roll-up.
“I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others”- The phrase that started Facebook.
Facebook crushes are all fun and games until someone buys a plane ticket.
When life gives you lemons... all you need is tequila (and salt).
Are you smarter than a 5th grader? Wait… Regular or Asian?
One way to find out if you`re old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you`re young, if they panic, you`re old.
There`s a thin line between "I should write a status about that" and "I should talk to my therapist about that"....