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My resume is really just a list of all the things I never want to do again.
Surly not EVERYBODY was Kung-Foo fighting?
I think that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs.
Why does the alphabet need to be in order anyway
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
My wife wants to have more kids but I don`t want to have to learn anyone else`s name.
I know you seen me continuously push the "close doors" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it`s just awkward
In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
snooze button, becuase all I need after 8 hours of sleep, is a nap
Someone asked me today what was the toughest thing about being a parent ... I would have to say it’s the kids.
How do you make your wife scream during sex?? Call her and tell her about it.
If you see me out somewhere and act like you didn`t, you should know that I ignored you first.
When someone wants to talk behind your back, FART!
Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.
I got so much Crazy going on that the term "Bi-Polar" would be excessively underestimating my condition, let`s go with "Multi-Polar" from now on.........