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St. Patricks day is the only time you can ask somebody in public,"Do you want some green" without you looking suspect.
I don’t hate you, I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
"There`s a sleeping person. Let`s go ask it questions." – Children
How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?
6 inch - about right, 7 inch - cant complain, 8 inch - f*cking perfect, 9 inch - a bit much, 10 inch - its hurting my insides, 11 inch - I cant take it anymore, 12 inch - I`m absolutely f*cking destroyed ... Aren`t pizza`s just awesome.
My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
Due to the rise in the economy, the position 69 will now be 96, due to the higher cost of eating out.
Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
Fitness? More like fitness whole cheesecake in my mouth.
Would it be wrong to ask a one-eyed person if it really was "all fun and games" up to that point?
Love your neighbor. But don`t get caught.
If you want to take a bank teller out on a date, just ask her. Don`t slip her a note at the window. Trust me on this.
You mean you can actually put the cork back in a wine bottle? WHY!!??
Beer never asks me if I think another beer is prettier than it.
Boobs make me forget about all the bad things in the world.