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I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. I couldn`t park anywhere near the place
Dear Santa, I was framed!
i never said i knew what i was doing, i said i was going to do it anyway :)
If everyone would stop screaming, I`m sure we`d all agree I`m not supposed to be in this women`s restroom.
"My name is Robert and I support apples." -- Bob for apples
Childless people wondering what it`s like to have some kiddos? Make a lovely healthy breakfast. Take it and throw it all over the floor.
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
Have you guys seen the new documentary about white trash? I only saw the trailer.
If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you’re probably holding the taser wrong.
I don`t get why people say "They were busting their ass"? Wasn`t it already cracked to begin with?
I am the head of this household, and I have my wife`s permission to say so.
For all the parents with kids starting school I just want to say congratulations. You made it through another summer without killing your children!! I am proud of you all!!
The easiest way to escape a conversation is to interrupt the other person and say "this conversation is going great" every few seconds
Being all talk and no action sounds relaxing.
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...