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So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
Is it polite or rude to slide a note into the bathroom stall next to you that says, "heard you farting but it`s ok you`re in the right place :)"
If you can’t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don’t know where you are!
And by "whatever" I mean f*ck you.
A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together.
If I was a cab driver I`d yell "ROAD TRIP" every time I got a passenger
I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
Balloons are so weird... "happy birthday, here`s a plastic sack of my breath"
Pool is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
It´s never to late to be happy
My therapist told me I`m nuts. I said "I wanted a second opinion." She said "Well ok, you`re ugly too."
Money isn´t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.
Elevators are so stupid. They have a button for the floor I`m already on.
I miss the old days when I could say I wasn`t around and you couldn`t check Facebook or twitter to see if I was lying