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Today: I`m going to be understanding, productive, and nice. WHAT? Stop laughing! I`m serious!
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
All things being considered......half of your friends are below average.
I thought 70 was the new 50, but the cop still gave me a ticket.
Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.
It`s not illegal to get in a taxi and scream until you`ve reached your destination.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,400 hours. Roughly the same as one Monday on earth feels.
I think God created marriage so death wouldn`t come as such a disappointment.
Ebay is really getting worse and worse to use. Yesterday I searched for a cigarette lighter. I got 3,974, 601 matches...
So can we just skip to summer now?
Every novel is a mystery, if you never finish it.
Seen it all, done it all, can´t remember most of it.
Home: The place where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
Please don`t come to my garage sale if you`ve ever let me borrow something.
I Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing