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If anyone asks, I`m drinking all this wine to collect corks for a pinterest project.
My mother was feeling cold so now I`m wearing a sweater.
My new home security sign : "EBOLA QUARANTINE" - Deters salesman, thieves, and neighbors.
Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind a guy on a stationary bike and pretend you`re angrily chasing him.
When I hear someone say, "chicken pot pie," I get excited three times.
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
“Knock him out.” – Mama
No, I didn`t accidentally pocket dial you, I wanted you to hear me eat lunch.
Anyone want to come over and watch porn on my new flat screen mirrior?
cuss words = sentence enhancers
I’m at the age where all my posts start with the phrase “I’m at the age where.”
For a generation that allowed YOLO, BAE, and KIM KARDASHIAN to happen, you sure have a lot of f*cking opinions on how things should be run.
Trust me, I am a liar.
I wonder if pet products are tested on humans?
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.