Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
One of the most important things in life is perserverance. Hang on...perseveren...no, perserveer...pesever… oh, never mind.....
Apparently the drunk guy at the urinal next to me is under the impression that I was stung in the leg by a jellyfish.
It`s so hard to find obedient minions
Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
It`s a little disappointing when you`re watching a school basket ball game & no one turns into a werewolf.
Hey pigs, stop trying to swallow entire apples. You keep dying!
Movies are so unrealistic. This guy`s using his computer to access an alien ship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe.
Saying “sounds good” is probably the nicest way to abruptly end a conversation.
Every time I hear the phrase, "Fire at will!", I can`t help but wonder, "What did Will do?!"
I don`t get it. If violets are blue, why do we call them violets?
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
There should be a law requiring you to explain what gluten is before you’re allowed to complain about it.
You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
Setting an alarm is how we ruin days that haven`t even started yet.