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Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day. Like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
www.amish.com. How did this happen?
If you blow out the kid`s Birthday candles at enough parties, people will just stop inviting you to them.
Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic`s, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.
I hate when I´m laughing & my a$$ falls off.
If you`re a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
I have the worst case of morning sickness. No I am not pregnant, my body just rejects mornings.
You make me wanna be a better stalker. No, seriously. Slow the f*ck down.
You ever read a status, and you`re like, `what a f*ck up` and then you realize you`re on your own page?
Why can`t someone look at me the same way I look at pizza?
I wish people`s voices actually sounded the way they do when their spouse or partner imitates them during an argument.
You`re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.