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wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don`t solve riddles that open portals to Hell.
I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.
!f yhu T@k yk d!$, then dont talk to me.
I`m not insulting you, I`m describing you.
If there`s one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it`s... "Goonies never say die!"
The best curve on a girl is her smile ;) ... Lol just kidding!
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
I love sleep ... it’s like a Time Machine to Breakfast.
Sometimes I think I`m pretty cool but then I remember plants can eat sun and poop out air.
I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid for doing this?”
This would be a lot more fun drunk - Me, to everything.
I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.