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Waiting to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
I can`t wait to get one of those self-driving cars to watch my wife argue with it.
You look over-medicated. What`s your doctor`s name?
why does a round pizza comes in a square box?
United Airlines.... Board as Doctor, leave as patient.
I think today I`ll stalk my stalker, just to shake things up a little.
If you`re ever held at gun point, just remember, I`m behind you 100%.
When I`m happy, I drink and when I drink, I`m happy. Win/Win!!
Say no to drugs! Then again, if you`re talking to drugs, you`re probably already on drugs.
I`m not fat. My stomach is in 3D
Don`t trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza....
I can tell how productive I was at work by how much battery my cell phone has left when I leave.
Celebrate Valentines Day responsibly, or you`ll be celebrating Thanksgiving in a maternity ward
Sign in a grocery store: Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!
"Always leave them wanting more" is my new mantra when paying bills.