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If a guy runs his fingers through your hair, there is a 33.3% chance you are being used as a napkin.
Before having any kids make sure you’re done sleeping and doing things you like to do.
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
I can walk up to any dog, rub its belly and make a friend ... That trick rarely works on people.
Imagine this: You`re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers `Bless you` and hangs up.
My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He`s told every other person on earth and I didn`t want y`all to be out of the loop.
It takes balls to be a man.
Has anyone seen where I put my organizational skills?
I`ve started to make a fresh start in 2015, so if I owe you money, too bad.
I sure do feel a lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.
I need a "previously on your life" recap for the things I didn`t pay attention to.
I don`t use my cell phone in the car... I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.
I’m not saying I’m psychic, but I’m positive I will have no interest in what you’re about to say.
You win some, you lose some...unless you`re me, then you win them all.
All I want for Christmas is for these calories to not count.