Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
I`m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
Met a girl for a first date and quickly found out that her version of "Do you want to go downtown?" is vastly different than mine.
I`m too lazy to be a stalker. You`ll have to come here. Bring coffee.
So after vacuuming with the new Dyson, I`m pleasantly surprised to learn that the carpet upstairs is actually hardwood.
Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger`s property and make a non-negotiable demand.
Well I didn`t know that minding my own business becomes part of your business to mind
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
I tried to open a can of WhoopAss,, but it popped like a can of biscuits and scared me.
If a worker gets fired & banned from the Lego company, have they been "blocked"?
exercise........you mean extra fries
Whenever I tell the cashier to ‘keep the change`, it takes everything in my power not to call them a filthy animal.
The general rule is that you shouldn`t ride an elevator during a fire, but I mean, talk about a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
Once my ex knocked on my door & then shouted that it was her, so I texted “im not home” then seconds later I texted “if u happen to be here”
If a dwarf smokes weed does he get high or medium?