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Maybe I`m the good kind of fat like an avocado.
If, in your relationship, you hear "You`re suffocating me", you`re probably not holding down the pillow hard enough.
ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
Common sense is like deodorant; those that need it most, don’t use it.
Urgh..I just dropped my phone, are you guys alright?
Did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and you say 3 times the name of the person you love, you will look really stupid doing that!
The iPhone 5S: Because the NSA wants your thumbprint now too.
Today, I am doing my part to conserve energe, I’m going back to bed.
Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers.
Whoever left me in charge of my own destiny has a lot of explaining to do.
Oh, I offended you with my opinion? You should hear the ones I kept to myself.
You’d think my password was “yourmom” because my computer just told me it was too easy.
This post was going to be really funny but I didn`t write it down because I was totally sure I`d remember it.
going to mcdonalds for a salad is like going to a brothel for a hug
They need to put more spider poison in hairspray.