Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Dieting is for the birds. Which is why you hardly ever see a fat bird.
Buying new Nikes, call that soul searching
Nice try butter flavored pancake syrup, but I`m still putting butter on them!!
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza
You think you`re pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone elses shower.
If I`ve learned anything about picking up woman at the super market it`s to stay away from those in the tampon isle.
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you’re trying to escape?
If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you’re probably holding the taser wrong.
I`m glad it`s the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the sh!t I should be doing.
I almost talked my way out of a ticket today by telling a female cop she was very attractive, but things went sour when I said "and that`s not just the booze talking either".
Pro Tip: If you knock on the door to a bathroom stall and someone says "one second," wait more than one second before entering.
Nothing says love like hearing a toilet flush on the other end of the phone.
Life would be perfect if: Mondays were fun, junk food was healthy, drama didn’t exist, and goodbyes were only until tomorrow.
Pizza: Round food, cut into triangles and put into a square box.
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.