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“Over my dead body” doesn’t mean “no.” It means I get to do what I want and as a bonus I get to kill you.
The 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog.
Boss: "Thanks for the coffee. You know what`d go well with this?" Me: "The antidote?" Boss: "No, a donu...Wait, what?" Me: "Nothing"
Dear Microsoft Office Word I am pretty sure I spelled my name correct
Do you know who invented the Knock Knock joke? I don`t know either, but whoever did should get a no bell prize.
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
did you notice when you yell "yo ugly" about 10 people turn around
Panick, chaos, anarchy... my work here is done.
I’m not brave. I’m just past the age where running is an option.
Tired of those Political Ads on television?...... You may be entitled to compensation.
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
I bet people who like their own statuses wink at themselves in the mirror too.
"If your reading this, I think your awesome!"
I lifted my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn`t care.....Ceiling fan: 6 Me: 0
I’m usually that person who has no idea what’s going on.