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I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
Don`t hate me because I think I`m beautiful.
If your job title is head receiver, you know you`re doing something right.
I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today.......i felt like that bitch was seeing someone else.
The hardest thing about looking for work is the sobriety.
You will never find the right person, if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
Whenever I get a message that begins with “Hey Stranger” I know I’m about to be asked for a favor by someone I don’t want to help.
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other
I guess today has been pretty good. I haven`t had to slap one single person yet....
Remember before we met? I miss those days.
Born free. Now, I’m expensive.
I`d like to have a child one day ... Two days, tops.
I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish ... I`m not even high.
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
Rapunzel is my favorite fairy tale about a woman who finds happiness when a man pulls her hair.