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Going back to work after 12 days off is the best way to realize I should have married for money.
If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?
Life is not a garden so quit being a hoe
I bet Captain Crunch has some amazing abs.
I didn`t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
To all the NSA agents reading this right now, I just want to say sorry that my life is so boring.
I`m not sayin you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
is wondering why books on "how to make women happy" arent displayed in the fiction section
A gay man is just one colonoscopy away from foreplay
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
"LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can`t eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.
just spilled alphabet soup on my keyboard. I`m so confused
I do what I want, when I want, where I want.. if my mom says its ok. :)
What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?