Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Black ice is just like regular ice except it dies first in movies.
For those of you wondering what it`s like to be married, I`m on day 3 of an argument I didn`t know I was having.
Calm down! I`m not officially late until I actually get there.
I have cat-like reflexes. If I hear a loud noise, I keep napping.
Nothing gets me motivated for 10-15 seconds like a good inspirational quote.
Itβs my favorite time of the day: How long can I stare directly at my monitor and do absolutely nothing oβclock.
If you can`t celebrate Valentine`s Day with someone you love, forget about it at a bar that you like...
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, βMan, youβre such a Cheetah!β and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
Mirrors donβt lie. And, lucky for me, they donβt laugh either.
LIKE if you hide your favorite food from your family
Using Romeo & Juliet to express how in love you are is like using Hamlet to show how close and well adjusted your family life is.
you know it`s a good fart when it wakes you from a dead sleep and you pull a butt muscle at the same time.
Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
Two things everybody wants: 1) Lose weight. 2) Eat.
The only time Iβve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.