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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, please take them off.
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
Next time you take your dog for a walk pretend he`s solving a mystery.
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
Just took an inventory of my body and it appears to be overstocked in all the wrong places.
If we aren`t supposed to be too close to the microwave then why do they show us food twirling around in there?
My fortune cookie read "End of roll. Replace"
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
It`s not really stalking if you don`t catch me doing it.
I’m going to the gym because I heard they have free weights. I wonder how many they’ll let me take?
I will be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti! I just want a future archaeologist to have a great day!
Mark my words: In a year, the leading cause of death will be “Beaten to death with a selfie stick”
Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take, I`ll be watching you. - Dog
Friends would describe me as classy, sassy and a bit smart-assy.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!!!!