Daily Silly Status

I carved my name in a fruitcake in 1982. If anyone gets it this year, post a pic!

Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please

You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare. Back in my day we just died

Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks: Why don’t you eat all the food?

If Apple made a car, would it have windows?

Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m an apple.

When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.

Marijuana is a type of flower, therefore I am a florist not a drug dealer :p

Does anyone have like twenty thousand dollars they don’t want? Asking for myself.

Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes...

When will math grow up and start solving its own problems

My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel

is procastinating now. Don´t see why I should put it off.

How do you make your wife scream during sex?? Call her and tell her about it.

I need to tell you something. I know it is going to break your heart and maybe you will not talk to me after the bad news. But I want you to hear it from me first instead of hearing it from someone else. This is going to make you cry I know. I first thought I must just keep quiet about it but I know it will not be fair on you. I am so ashamed to have to do this but you need to know the truth. Don`t be mad at me please. I will understand if you never want to hear from me ever again but it m