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I`ll act my age when I`m 69..
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eggs
Think you`re going crazy? When you get there, look for me and I`ll show you around.
Whenever there is an awkward silence try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
Walmart is one store where it is truly acceptable to shop in your pajamas.
My resume is basically just a list of things I hate to do.
A lot of attractive people are like nice cars with the check engine light on.
Girl:How do u feel? Boy:With your hands
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Sorry I`m late. I had five cups of coffee and became convinced I could probably bend a fork with my mind, so I had to give it an honest try.
Of course the Pilgrims had a lot to be thankful for, all their in-laws were back in Europe.
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
If you really want to know how she feels about you, get her drunk & then piss her off.
My new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone`s having a party