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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
Is a roasted peanut like a regular peanut that was made fun of by celebrity peanuts?
I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though.
Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?
Why isn’t our beer color coordinated for all holiday occasions, instead of just St. Patricks Day?
I`m at my best mathematically when I wake up before the time my alarm is set for
I left my phone at home all day today. Is the sky always blue like that?
Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they`d have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.
Happy Birthday to someone I would donate some non-essential organs to, and the fact that a Facebook reminder told me it was your birthday doesn´t make it any less special. Plus I live so far away that your birthday requires almost no effort on my part. And sorry I tried to kill you all those times when we were
The only man worth waiting for is the delivery guy
Does this couch I`m laying on make me look unmotivated?
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!