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Oops is farting in the elevator and thinking it would be silent.
One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.
I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
"..::. :.:.. ::...: .:. :.:: ::.: ..::. :: ::.:..." - Stevie Wonder-
Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, `You`re only interested in one thing,` and you can`t remember what it is.
*puts selfie on top of christmas tree because I am the star*
Installing home security cameras seemed like a great idea but explaining my dance offs with the dog was something I should`ve considered.
My mom says I`m special.
I was going to get married, but my wife refuses to sign the divorce papers
Facebook made billions by saying “Hey, remember that kid you haven’t seen since the third grade? He’s a parent who hates Obama now.”
If you aren`t sure if you like someone, here`s a test: imagine they`re dead. Now, was it an accident or did you murder them?
Today`s brilliant idea: Slim Fast beer.
There is nothing worse then trying to watch porn with a slow internet connection.
Its Friday ... my body is in for a much-needed drinking session