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Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..
Kids today don`t know what hardship is. When I was younger I sometimes had to wait ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."
Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...
Some people are just bad news!!! Those are my favorite!
Choosing A Career Is Like Chosing A Wife From 10 Girls. Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful, Intelligent, Kindest Woman, There`s Still Pain Of Losing The Other 9
Being able to eat while watching Hannibal makes you more of a psychopath than anyone on the show.
I saw a sign at a cafe that said, "shoes must be worn." I was upset, because my shoes were brand new.
I haven`t lost all of my marbles but there is definitely a hole in the bag.
Crazy is like diarrhea. You can only hold it in for so long.
I wish the minutes after hitting the snooze button lasted as long as microwave minutes.
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
Me: Well hello again. I knew you`d be back. I seem to have that effect on people Fed Ex: Just sign here so I can leave
When will they start calling marijuana dispenseries grass stations?
Putting ketchup on steak should also affect your credit score.