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I`m running low on funny but I have plenty of sexy left.
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
I`m the kind of crazy you weren`t warned about because no one knew this level existed.
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off
The bed is always the comfiest right at the time you are supposed to be getting out of it
Is somebody not editing what I´m saying here???
It`s not their fault, per se, but at some point, Crayola has to be held responsible for continuing to make crayons nostril-width.
Dearest Neighbors, Please do not call the police, it`s not domestic violence or a wild party. It`s football season, that`s just me screaming at my TV.
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most
I now have permanent vision loss due to excessive eye-rolling at stupid idiots.
Advice of the day: Don`t go trick or treating at the bank. They get freaked out. Especially when it`s not Halloween
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper placemats with puzzles... game on!
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?
If you don`t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.