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A good husband is like a bra. He should be supportive and help support your burdens, but mostly he`s just there to touch your boobs.
Chuck-E-Cheese, because it`s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling..
Maybe vodka is addicted to me
It`s tax season. Anyone have some spare kids?
Perfect has 7 letters and so does meeeeee ....Coincidence? I think not.
Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
All I`m saying is if I`m not allowed to give a monkey a gun at the zoo they should have a sign.
May your life be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
When my kid grows up they`re not aloud to date until they`re married.
Whoever decided to color underpants white was an idiot.
Time to walk the cow and milk the dog, Happy Hump Day!
Never underestimate a woman`s ability to make you feel responsible and guilty for her mistakes.
I bought 2 fish and named one, “one” and the other “two”, so when “one” dies I will still have “two”.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge.
This is my leftover status from Thanksgiving.