Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I shouldn`t have to work. People should just pay me for being awesome.
I can`t face my checkbook so I check my Facebook.
If you drink enough tonight, you won`t have to lie when you call in sick tomorrow.
Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
Don`t be embarrassed by who you are. Unless you`re stupid. Then you`re pretty much screwed.
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
I still have a landline. Or as I like to call it, Cell Phone Finder.
DIET TIP: don’t eat chips right out of the bag. Get out just enough to eat until the pizza guy gets there.
If you don’t already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.
Nobody really dates anymore. You just make eye contact, text, hang out, and next thing you know all her clothes are in your closet....
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
A morning text from me doesn`t mean "good morning". It means "I`m having very dirty thoughts about you right now".
Hoping that Steve Harvey isn`t the one announcing the winning Powerball numbers tonight!
My favorite in-laws are the ones that don`t exist.
It`s acceptable for someone to eat cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner as long as they still go to the gym, right? I`m asking for a friend...