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Stop bitchin about the frigid winter snow. There are kids in Africa who don`t even HAVE weather!
So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don`t taste any different.
Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. Just slap them in the face and move on!
I had the urge to clean my place today so I laid down until the urge went away.
Waiting for the day when a girl finally says that I’m “the one,” but isn’t talking to a police officer.
Remeber that time we came to work and we were excited? Me neither.
Only at McDonald`s do they say, "Sorry about your wait" and actually mean "weight" :P
I`d share my Netflix login but I`m too embarrassed by "My List".
If you hear sirens and see some naked dude with jeans on his head running down the street, be sure to throw me a beer.
I know I should lift weights, but those things are heavy!!
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you’re probably holding the taser wrong.
Whenever I`m feeling down... I try to make sure my nails are clipped.
We think therefore we must be, but are we?
Hangry: (noun) a state of anger caused by lack of food. May evoke negative change in emotional state. Translation -- Feed me or I`ll kill you.