Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Always have a goal. Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
I either get what I want or I change my mind!
When a woman says, "I`m NOT crazy" *clapping her palms together per syllable* That`s universal for, "You`re going to die."
I`ve come to believe that everyone on Earth could benefit from a 12 step program.
Three weeks without a signal typo!
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
Whats the best part about dating a homeless chick, ..... You can drop her off anywhere
My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
awkward moment when the dentist is talking to you with his hands on your mouth
If you don`t like the way I drive then get off the hood of my car.
3 Things you need to know: Yes I Have. Yes I Can. Yes I will.
If you think about it, before the first mirror was invented, if you didn’t live near a body of water, you had no idea what you looked like.
Somewhere in the world right now, somebody is buying a house based on its potential for great bathroom selfies.
Damn girl are you a cobweb cause you`re really clingy and annoying
Anyone else pretend to work all day while thinking about big boobs instead?