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Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
I don`t believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too
I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since I got up… goodnight!
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
No, I didn`t accidentally pocket dial you, I wanted you to hear me eat lunch.
Have you seen that new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!
Holidays, hotels and women. Three things that always look better online than in real life.
There`s a word for people like you and that word is "leave."
I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can`t even afford a washer or a dryer
New rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I`m guaranteed at least one attempt on trying to trip you.
Relationship Status: Very relieved socks can`t get pregnant.
Anyone know how much snow is too much snow not to go to the liquor store?
It`s only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.
~WARNING~ I will more than likely offend you at some point in time
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. I hope they let me back in Walmart.