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People assume when I yawn that I`ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
You can make your life more entertaining by simply reaching out, and getting to know a whore.
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch
so, on a scale of one is to seven, which letter of the alphebet is your favourite colour?
I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
Sometimes it’s just better to buy new Tupperware than to risk opening the leftovers.
It`s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
Can you imagine being cryogenically frozen and waking up 100 years later? Your hairstyle would be so outdated, how embarrassing.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they`re going to be when you kill them.
I really don`t know what the big deal is about Black Friday. I black out every Friday....
As a future ghost, I`m kinda bummed out about the dress code.
I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger and write WASH ME on her face…
They say money doesn`t bring you happiness.... I say....neither does being broke....