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Facebook: Saving us money on birthday cards since 2004
Dear Noah, we could have sworn you said the arc wasn`t leaving until 5. Sincerely, unicorns.
After watching copious amounts of crime dramas I`ve come to the conclusion that serial killers only target women who wear matching bra and pantie sets. Feeling much safer now.
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
I really need to clean the house, but I`m thinking it`d be a lot faster to burn it down and start from scratch...
You can`t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic & give in.
That awkward moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.
Oh, you have a brand new boyfriend? Please tell me more about how you think he`s `the one`.
If I’m not eating I’m most likely not happy.
I went somewhere earlier and saw a frog parked illegally and the poor thing got toad!!
Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
If you`re looking for happiness, walk to your nearest liquor store.
I keep a second pair of shoes at work, I don`t want people to recognize me when I`m pooping.
Iam not as THINK as you DRUNK iam!!
Good thing I got a college degree I think as I put away the kid toys for the 49 billionth time