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WebMD needs to add the question "Have you eaten Taco Bell today?" when asking about stomach-related symptoms.
When I see people jogging outside I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting “Eye of the Tiger” just to give them motivation.
My girlfriend said she wasn`t impressed and felt she needed a man with at least 6 inches. So I folded it in half.
Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
I made Creme Brulee today. More food should require the use of a blow torch.
What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone`s life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
My spouse thinks I`m crazy. But I`m not the one who married me.
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
Having a bit of a lazy day, sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused
Every paper towel commercial just reminds me that the cleanest option is to just not have children.
Lazy Rule #23 :No Shower Is Needed, If your Not Going Anywhere...
I thought `Pokemon` was a Jamaican Porn... My bad...
Pool is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
I`ll never join one of those dating sites. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way. By alcohol & bad decisions.
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.