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I accidentally lit the wrong end of a cigarette-that can`t be healthy!
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...so I came back drunk.
I hate it when I walk through a metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off.
In honor of St. Patrick`s Day, I`m going to create a hybrid of a four leaf clover and poison ivy and give myself a rash of good luck
Computer froze? Just press all the keys.
Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
I think all priuses are gay transformers living here on earth
I`m not saying your opinion is stupid, I`m just saying you`re stupid for having it
GF: "You`re cute when you`re drunk" Me: "You`re cute when I`m drunk too"
Dodgeball, but with random people who don`t know that they are playing..............
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere
When someone walks away from me shaking their head, I totally agree.
Something tells me that girl with the word "Princess" tattooed on her neck isn`t really Royalty.
Shaving your head is the "You can`t fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.