Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I say "It`s a long story," it doesn`t mean it`s actually a long story. It means I just don`t want to tell you.
I didn`t get a chance to do yoga this morning or any other morning of my life.
If I had a time machine, I’d probably just use it so I wouldn’t have to throw out so many bananas.
I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….
My wife is amazing in bed. She can fall asleep immediately no matter how loud the TV is on.
If anyone could do it, it wouldn`t be called PROcrastination.
I`ve been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house.
I`ve decided that I`m an ass man. Don`t get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren`t as cute as donkeys.
The trouble with children is that they´re not returnable.
To all the NSA agents reading this right now, I just want to say sorry that my life is so boring.
If A Couple in Love are called Love Birds, then a couple who fight with each other should be called Angry Birds.
If the shoe fits . . . buy one in every color
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
Over half the contacts in my phone are named “Do Not Answer”
My girlfriend says I need to grow up. I think she`s just angry I didn`t give her the password to my pillow fort.