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Woke up with morning wood but she wouldn`t!
It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
Practice safe text – use commas and never miss a period.
I’m in a long distance relationship. Sure, some people refer to it as a restraining order, but still.
Similarities between BRA and BAR 1. Both have similar letters 2. Both are drinking zones 3. When both opened men go crazy "prove me wrong"
Just once I’d like to learn something the easy way.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at chocolate cake.
I`m lost, no wait..... Yep, lost for sure
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
Crazy people are never aware of their own insanity. I’m so glad I’m not a crazy person.
When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.
It`s like the people in this restroom don`t even want my help unbuttoning their pants. STOP RUNNING AWAY I JUST WANT TO HELP YOU
I think my “check engine” light has finally burned out. So that’s good.
Today has been cancelled, due to lack of interest.
Shout out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money.