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My wife is pissed at me again. Apparently I`m breathing wrong.
Iām not drunk, Iām just exhausted from drinking all night.
The only thing I understand about Algebra: I look at my X and I wonder Y
When I was your age we had to open all doors by ourselves ... None of them knew we were coming.
Does anyone else make transformer noises when changing sex positions? Asking for a friend.
If at first you don`t succeed then you`re a loser...
I think people who challenge me at Words With Friends are most impressed with my vast knowledge of three letter words.
First Rule of Camping: Put up the tent before you start drinking.
Cleavage is something you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
why do people with bad teeth always have a smile on there face
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming... 1. Whenever you`re wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you`re right, shut up.
I just took the "What Kind of Asshole are You?" quiz and got "The kind that posts my results on Facebook".
Good for you, people that do things.
I dropped my affordable health care because I couldn`t afford it .
How`d this get posted?