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When I`m bored, nobody texts me. But as soon as I`m busy, BAM! ... still nobody texts me.
Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
I like to respond to statuses with .. WOW, Someone needs a Happy Meal.
I`m only a morning person on December 25th
Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. I’m gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
Since It`s summer here`s a little advice, best way to beat the heat is to wear a San Antonio Spurs jersey
Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don`t like.
It’s only Wednesday and I’m 95% done with this week.
The difference between me & normal people is the normal
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
Every Girls Night Out has at least one crier.
Be nice to your kids. They get to choose your nursing home.
The phrase "the truth shall set you free" does not apply to murder.
If you love something,, let it go..... That`s EXACTLY what I`ve done with my body....
If I`m your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts too.