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It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the a$$holes asked me to turn it down.
Don`t tell me I have to say "Happy Holidays" so nobody gets offended. I will "Merry Christmas" the sh!t out of you.
Right now, a future teen mom is applying copious amounts of body glitter to herself.
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I`d totally be expecting some change back.
I saw this homeless guy talking to himself and I was like, "Who is he talking to?" then I thought "Who am I talking to?"
I told you a million times do not exaggerate!
I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people.
Sometimes when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
A friend of mine asked if I was coming to her wedding. I said no, I`ll catch the next one. She`s mad at me now.
There was no bonus fry at the bottom of the bag. But the story has a happy ending. I found it later in my sports bra.
I hate to call it "one night stands"... I prefer the term "auditions"
I did a terrible job preparing for my Blue Man Group audition and boy is my face red
"Is everything OK?" "Well, I`ve been kind of down since the divorce..." "I meant with your pasta, sir."
If we all had to wear a warning label, what would yours say?