Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Easy baked macaroni and cheese recipe: Boil macaroni in water.... follow the rest of the instructions on box. TADA!
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately.
I purposely bought the same grill my neighbor has, so every time it needs to be cleaned, I just switch them at night.
I don`t always drink beer. But when I do, I always lie about not always drinking beer.
If you really want to get under someone`s skin these days, just leave them a voicemail.
I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it`d be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck
I`m not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.
If you rearrange the letters of "postmen" they get really pissed off.
I`m emotionally constipated. I haven`t given a crap in days...
Do good masochists go to heaven, or hell?
Hey whiny kids with iPhones: when I was your age, I played with a stick.
Sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
Being an adult is a lot like going to the vet. We`re all excited for the ride until we realize what it`s like where we`re going.
To a musician, a g-string means something completely different than it does to me. .
I asked my wife what women really want, she said attentive lovers. Or maybe she said "a tent of lovers." I wasn`t really listening.