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Oh, you’re surprised I’m still single? I’m surprised you can dress yourself. So I guess we’re even.
I spent an hour at Walmart last night.. I can now totally disprove evolution.. O_o
I`ve been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We`ll all be dead soon anyway.
Having children is a fantastic source of free labor.
No one ever said life was easy, but several people did say that you were.
Some people want to get in shape before they go to a gym. Which is the equivalent of losing weight so you can go on a diet
Today in my local cemetery I came across the grave of Arthur Wynne the inventor of the crossword puzzle. For those that want to know where he is buried it`s 6 down and 4 across.
That awkward moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
The Kids today just don`t appreciate the colors and flavors of Dial soap like I do
My therapist says I`m a clueless, un-observant trainwreck. Which is weird because up until this moment, I never even knew he was a therapist.
Car alarms should sound like two chicks in a fight. I`d look out the window for that.
When non-smokers come to My house....I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
i didn`t know i had a facebook account until now