Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The meek shall inherit the earth. Probably because they`re the only ones who won`t complain about what we`ve done to it.
As a kid, i was afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I am terrified of the electrical bill.
that awkard moment when someone`s laugh is actually funnier than the joke
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you are stupid and make bad decisions.
Bring donuts so your coworkers will like you. Cut them in half so they will hate you again.
Law and Order is just Blue`s Clues for adults.
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you’re supposed to be doing something else.
We can`t all be princesses, somebody has to clap as I go by. :P
The trick to successfully backing out of a parking space is to not care what happens to you or anyone else.
Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
Just once I`d like a doctor to tell me I`m not getting enough beer in my diet.
The mailman just delivered an 8-track of Boz Skaggs Greatest Hits. I guess this fulfills my Columbia House obligation.
I hate to rub it in, but lotion doesn`t really work otherwise.
It must be exhausting being offended by everything.
The fact “gorilla” does not rhyme with “tortilla” infuriates me.