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Hot Pockets: For when you want every bite to be a different temperature.
During the summer months, be sure to dress for the body you have. Not the body you want.
Tyler on Facebook says he ran 1.7 miles this morning… So based on calculations, I have 35 minutes to ransack his house tomorrow morning.
I can`t wait to get home and have make-up sex! ... I`ve been arguing all day with myself.
I think people who challenge me at Words With Friends are most impressed with my vast knowledge of three letter words.
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
It’s what’s on the inside that counts, unless you’re talking about one of those hollow chocolate bunnies.
According to my nipples, there is a 99% chance it`s cold as hell right now!
Next time a conspiracy theorist says, "That`s what they want you to think," say, "No, but that`s what they wanted you to tell me."
snooze button, becuase all I need after 8 hours of sleep, is a nap
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
Couldn`t stay awake sitting on the couch, so I laid down in bed to make sure I wouldn`t fall asleep
If you knew how many trips to the bathroom every phone has taken, you’d never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch somebody else’s phone. Ever.
I can`t believe these women are just walking around with yoga mats like a game of yoga might just break out at any moment