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My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
I went to the store and saw that Duracell batteries were on sale just before Valentine`s Day. Someone is a marketing genius.
They say if the palm of your hand itches, you`re going to get something. And if your crouch itches, you`ve already got it.
I think my girlfriend’s hallucinating. She keeps telling me she’s seeing other people.
Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
If you ever feel sad and blue, just remember that somewhere in the world, there`s a fat kid who just dropped his ice-cream.
I overheard 2 girls say there was a creepy dude listening to their conversation.
Right before I die, I am going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.
It`s hard to feel sorry for people when they get what they deserve.
Somebody told me I`m horrible with names.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me " maybe life isn`t for everyone"
Trix commercials just teach kids that sharing is bad.
My dog takes so long to sh!t I can`t believe he`s not out there playing Candy Crush.