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Insanity means never having to say “I’m Guilty”.
I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful.
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
If you want your wife or girlfriend to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Life is like a box of chocolates and you`re on a diet so you can`t even enjoy it.
I`m having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... ok by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
Gotta thin the herd. – me eating animal crackers
I`m jealous of my parents, I`ll never have kids as cool as theirs.
Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
Maybe one day a loooong time ago a kid decided to play hide and seek with his pet Bigfoot but just didn`t explain the game properly.
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
Due to political correctness issues, "Krazy Glue" will now be known as "Mental Disorder Glue."
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.