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Still not 100% clear on whether French Montana is a person or a steakhouse special.
I wouldn`t say I`m an alcoholic. I`d slur it.
Dear, automatic flushing toilet, I appreciate the enthusiasm.... But I wasn`t finished.
WHAT DO WE WANT!!! A cure for hangovers WHEN DO WE WANT IT!!! Please stop yelling
The guy below me obviously has never seen R2-D2.
My math is never so quick or exact as when I see an old flame with a child.
I`m thankful for pizza and burgers... and ice cream and bacon and fries and... F*ck it, I`m thankful for food. I love you, food.
Your so lazy you should have a Life Alert bracelet that says I`m Just Napping.
Even if I were taking a dump on the moon someone would walk in and sit down in the stall next to me.
To all the NSA agents reading this right now, I just want to say sorry that my life is so boring.
They say that when one door closes, another one opens. Apparently, "they" have never been to jail.
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.
I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.
I really wish Wal-Mart had a 10 teeth or more line...
Just when I think I`m over my insomnia the car behind me honks.