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Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
“I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullshit”.
People in love use phrases like “takes my breath away” and “swept me off my feet”. I think they’re confusing love with attempted murder.
Doctor: How is your headache? Me: She is fine.
I`m not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.
I have an irrational fear of speedbumps… but, I’m slowly getting over it.
If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes. Not the best idea a man ever had ;)
I noticed you`re not yourself today. I really like it.
Plot twist: name your pets after passwords.
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
CONGRATULATIONS! You are the 13th woman he`s called "beautiful" on Facebook today.
You are right when you realize you were wrong.
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
ATM`s need to have breathalyzers.
Aaron Hernandez`s next jersey is going to be a jailhouse jumpsuit!